Eggerichs opens the book by citing statistics. 50% of marriages end in divorce. This is true, but then he confidently asserts the reason 50% of marriages end in divorce is because of the crazy cycle. Keep in mind some women cite domestic violence as their reason for divorce. If their domestic abuse was part of the crazy cycle, their husband’s abuse was guaranteed to be a reaction to her disrespect. If she claims she was respectful, we can know, without gathering facts, that she is lying. The crazy cycle states that a husband is unloving when a wife is disrespectful. If he was so unloving he beat her, imagine how disrespectful she must have been!

Some men feel they bent over backwards for a wife who was never satisfied. Maybe she constantly verbally and emotionally abused him, yet he tried to love her anyway. She ends up leaving and they divorce. If this is part of the crazy cycle, we can know without gathering any facts that he wasn’t *really* bending over backwards for her. He is lying. According to the simplistic formula, a wife is disrespectful when a husband is unloving. Imagine how unloving he must have been for her to leave!

Again, on page 11, Eggerichs claims all marriage problems can be solved if we understand the crazy cycle. Once we reduce all marriage problems to the crazy cycle, we end up in a predicament where we must consider people who have experienced abuse, through no fault of their own, to be liars.

Eggerichs sometimes participates in question and answer sessions. One lady called in asking for help with her sex life. She found herself crying heavily before having sex. She dreaded it. She felt her husband didn’t love her. Remember what we learn from the crazy cycle, and of course all marriage problems are because of the crazy cycle. If she feels her husband doesn’t love her, she needs to pour on the respect, and later in the book we learn, the submission. So this is what he encouraged her to do. Later, this same lady reached out to an abuse ministry. She told them she had tried to follow Eggerichs’s advice, but things became worse. Her husband is now in prison for battery. He had been watching bondage porn, and his wife was so submissive and respectful, he felt he had the green light to do whatever he wanted to her.

I know some fans will say if Eggerichs knew all the facts he would have told her to call the police. Probably. But he has a habit of not gathering the facts. Because he believes everything reduced to the crazy cycle, he thinks he already knows the facts without asking.

Eggerichs has several conferences recorded on YouTube. In one, he tells the audience when a woman tells him she has been abused, he does what we should all do. He chuckles and turns his back. His audience laughs knowingly. Now why would he do that without gathering any facts first? See the above paragraph.

The problem with claiming the crazy cycle is the problem in every marriage, and that the Bible says this, is that it can become a legalism. When people become fearful, they often will set up a legalistic structure to give themselves security. They feel if they follow the formula, things will go well for them. And this can lead to judgement for those who are having hardship. They must have not followed the formula! She must have been disrespectful! He must have been unloving! It can be tempting for those in difficult marriages to *want* to believe the other marriage is failing because both spouses are sinning. That way they can feel safe in their own marriage. If they believe even good wives can ne abandoned, they feel insecure about their own marriage. But if they convince themselves the abandoned wife was disrespectful, they can now do things to ensure abandonment never happens to them. The crazy cycle system encourages this type of thinking.

It can also give false hope to those who should be asking for help and setting boundaries.

Worst of all, it can lead people to see God as an unsafe monster. After all, they are being told God expects them to submit to abuse and that they need to see their part in causing the abuse and repent. And if they can’t see how they helped cause the abuse, by being disrespectful or unloving, then they are choosing to “not see it” and they deserve the abuse. In other words, they are being told to repent from a sin they can’t see and if they don’t, bad things will keep happening.

Of course, if the Bible really said this is how marriage works, we should listen. In part 3, https://laughingsarah.wordpress.com/2023/02/19/love-and-respect-part-3/ I will go through the verses Eggerich uses and show how he is twisting them to make them say things they do not actually say.