Kids’ Quotes and Stuff They Have Done So I Don’t Forget

Three year old Justice watched wide eyed as the garbage man emptied our trash cans.  As the truck pulled away, he chased it down the street, shouting, “Thou shalt not steal!  You must pay rest-ee-too-shuun!”

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Four year old Christian, at the grocery store, around Christmas time: An elderly lady stooped to ask, “And what is St. Nicholas bringing you for Christmas this year?”  Christian stood confused for a moment, but then realized this lady was probably old enough to have known old Saint Nick personally.  So gently, as to break the bad news without too much shock he said, “St. Nicholas is…well…he’s…dead.”  And in a whisper,  “He died a long time ago.”

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When my children were small we ran a boarding house.  Three college students (all ladies) rented out our finished basement which had been turned into a three bedroom apartment. Once, at Walmart, Justice (4) was talking with an elderly lady. Lady: “Oh you have a lot of brothers and sisters. You must have a full house!”

Justice: “Yeah, and my Mama and my Papa. And my Papa also has three other wives, but they live in the basement.”

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Five year old Christian:  I was telling the boys a story about the lady in Proverbs 7.  After describing her house I asked, “Can you see it in your head?”

Christian rolled his eyes up and back as far as he could. “I can’t see it.  I can’t see anything.  It’s dark in there!”

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Six year old Justice always wanted way more desert than we were willing to give, so we  talked to him about gluttony.  One day, we were walking down the health food isle and Justice began running up and down the isle excitedly, “Mama, these are all glutton free! I can eat this stuff FOREVER!”

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Five year old Christian: Mama, can we leave the eggs in the fridge till they hatch?  It would be so fun to have baby chickens!

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Six year old Christian sat on his bunk pointing his long metal toy rifle at the thundering sky.  He was ready to shoot the lightening.  That is when I taught him about lightening rods.

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Six year old Justice wrapped his math book up and put it under the Christmas tree for his brother.  “Don’t you want me to be generous, Mama?”

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I was wondering aloud which grammar program I would use for the next school year when 8 year old Justice interjected, “Oh, Mama!  Use Shurley’s.  It’s the most bestest!”   I wasn’t sure what to do with that.

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Justice,10, singing a Sound of Music Song: “I have confidence in sunshine, I have confidence in me!” faked a stumble and fell laughing.
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Ten year old Justice:  “Mama, you don’t want me to be a vain boy, do you? If I wash the dishes, they will get dirty again, and that would be vanity and chasing after wind.  So, I’d better repent and not do them.”  (Sly smile.)

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Justice, ten, to a nice Catholic family:  “So, did you name your son [Will] after William Tyndale?”

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Victor, eight: “Mama, I’m saving my money so when I’m grown up I can buy an airplane ticket.”

Me: “Where do you want to go?”

Victor: “To the land flowing with milk and honey!  I just want to splash around!”

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Eva 5, on an airplane:  She had asked to go to the bathroom and I told her to wait until the line went away.  She sat wide eyed and quiet.  Finally she reached up and whispered, “Has the lion gone away yet?”

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Eva, 5: The problem with listening to Bob Dylan, is that , in theory, your five year old may run up and down the street sing-shouting, “Everyone must get stoned!” to all the neighborhood Jews walking to synagogue.  What I want to know is this. Were they hearing it in a Levitical way or a ’60s way?

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Haven 8:  Mama, once there was a boy who stole his sister’s toy.  His sister said, “Give me back my toy.”  The boy pointed to her hair and said, “Look, a red hair ring!  Get it mama?  Red Herring?”

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Haven, 8, watching anxiously as I cut an apple:  “Mama, it *is* very hard to cut an atom, right? I mean you can’t do it with a knife?”  The poor girl thought I was going to set off a nuclear reaction by making a salad.

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Eva, six:  “Mama, I can walk through walls just like Jesus did!  Only I just walk through the part that’s been cut out for the door.”

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We were talking about being living stones in the new Jerusalem when Victor, 11, piped up, “Does that mean, all in all, we are all just bricks in the wall?”

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Justice, on the morning of his 13th birthday: He came in the kitchen sullen, shoulders stooped and scowl on his face. He slammed the cereal on the counter wrathfully.  I watched, amazed, wondering what to make of such an attitude out of nowhere, and on his birthday, no less. “Are you okay?”  His mouth twitched at the corners and then broke into a wide grin. “I can’t do it! I was trying to be a rebellious teenager.  How do they do it?  How do they keep a straight face?”

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Justice 14, reading Sun Tzu’s “The Art of War”:  “This is the most practical book I’ve ever read! The people on Clash of Clans (multiplayer strategy game) won’t have a chance now!”  All I could think was, “See, classical education is practical.”

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Christian, 13: Christian attempted to eject a CD from the car player and only half of the CD came out. It had been cut right down the middle. Without losing a moment, he quipped, “Well, at least we can still listen to half the songs.”

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Eva, 9, makes a punny joke: “Mama, what is four letters, but has no letters, and makes someone lonely?”

“An empty mailbox.”

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